TRANSITION ALMOST COMPLETE

This Easter Season has been HUGE for me. Usually they are, but this has been even more so. Nothing that much happened externally, and the only church-related servic e we attended was on Easter morning. We had observed Lent and gone to Confession in preparation, but that is all.

I guess it's because of things that are happening internally. I have written before about the sense of being in some kind of transition, and finding it disconcerting, confusing, maybe scary. One gets used to things how they are, one gets used to seeing themselves a certain way. Transition goes from one state of being to another, in such a way that nothing will be the same again. Using Labor & Delivery as a metaphor, first we're not a mother, then we are-- even if we lose the child then or at any time after, first we have X children, now we have X+1, and so on and so forth.

For me, I have seen myself in a vocation, of a "Sermon on the Mount" variety, for many years, and am both good and bad with that, comfortable & uncomfortable. I especially noticed something late last week, when I was participating in an End-of-Life Planning Meeting with a family in conflict over these issues, among themselves, and with their nursing home resident, who is his own person. No details needed about the meeting, but I had some kind of silvery thing happen and became very nostalgic, like looking at an old movie.

The process of "leaving" that vocation is well in process now. No real outward changes to report. I am still going to work, have no indication that I can "retire" (my husband will not even rationally discuss me retiring before I turn at least 68), and have pretty much resigned from or otherwise let everything else go, as concerns lay ministry. HOWEVER.

The time is HERE, and the Lord Himself is to be my Focus, and my Ministry.

I can't see how this will go, how it might look. My husband requires an enormous amount of attention, and I have four adult children plus two grandchildren to think about. I'm not the best wife (two divorces thus far prove that) and there have been all kinds of issues with the kids, so I guess it's fair to say that I get, at best, "mixed reviews" as a mother/stepmother. I've got a very good work reputation (not bragging, it appears to be fact) but have never made much in the way of salary and have no idea if whatever service I could render was of temporary, permanent, or eternal benefit. I've also been valued as part of various lay ministries, and some protests were made about me leaving some of these now, till I could explain, however poorly and briefly, that I am aware of a "change in season" from the Holy Spirit, and then was blessed to have had that confirmed by leadership (past few days).

About all I know is that the Lord Himself, who has appeared to me a few times requesting that I comfort Him (as I've told you) is going to start showing me HOW to do so. And this will be for the rest of my life, now and perhaps into Eternity.

I hope this makes sense. I will report on my progress or lack thereof as we proceed. BTW: I have no idea where sewing/quilting fits into this change. Maybe it's to "distract" me as I leave work, make it easier to do so, by being another kind of work, with a different purpose. The lack of clarity as to purpose of sewing/quilting for me parallels my lack of clarity with change in focus in general.

Gracie~~~

                

Her decline continued, she didn't appear uncomfortable till last evening. At that time she appeared quite weak and lethargic and had a bout of diarrhea--- that is all. When we got up this morning she was lying on the living room floor, and when I touched her she cried. We got her comfy on the couch, and wrapped her in a fleece blanket to keep her warm. No more sounds, though she enjoyed being gently patted. And within an hour, she died. 

So my Gracie, after fourteen years, is gone. Best cat I EVER had. Sweet, simple, and I believe she fulfilled the purposes God had for her--- to be my companion all these years, resident pet therapist at the Haven of Grace -Jude, the Executive Director, gave her to me one year for my birthday- she shared my quarters and evenings and weekends she spent time with the ladies- then companion to my mother in her latest years- and been our fur baby the last few. 

I am so sad. Jack is very good, handled everything, and is a comfort.

GRACIE FLANAGAN 2002-2015

SIMPLIFY. ORGANIZE. MANAGE RESOURCES WISELY.

It's been a "one thing leads to another" sort of thing the past couple of years. I have worked in health and human services my entire career, and been involved in lay ministry, so had never heard of organizing, not as a profession. One of my work colleague's wife was a professional organizer with her own company, so I heard of that... then while in the process of checking on job postings (on behalf of my husband who was forced into early retirement four years ago), I saw her post an apprenticeship. Timing was not right for me then and I didn't know enough about the field, started to read about it, look into it, and linked to sites on simplifying, organizing, managing resources wisely, creativity, and productively. And found that interesting as well. 

In my field "productivity" can be a threatening thing, a pressure to keep interactions with clients to a specified minimum length of time, treatments are defined in minutes, but some definitions of productivity are quite different. It appears to be about maximizing our personal and organizational time, talent, and treasure... to keep things simple and manage our resources wisely. My life is all about that, as my husband and I deal with our mid-life transitions. And that, in a nutshell, is my current interest in professional organizing and productivity!

ADVENT PREPARATION AND CONTINUITY

There is something reassuring about our traditional annual reflection with regard to the story of Mary and Joseph's journey to Bethlehem, Christ's birth in the manger, and the promise of hope that arises within the celebration of the true meaning of Christmas. The story returns to us year upon year as a constant and tradition. It's a mainstay.

Within our personal lives as the years pass by, new family members may be born, others may return home to God, we might move or begin new work...but each December Christmas returns and the opportunity for renewal and hope is brought to light. There is a sense of familiarity and continuity that is sustaining and ever constant when Advent comes round and once again we begin anticipating His arrival.

On this second Sunday of Advent while I contemplate the story of Christ's birth, I am reflecting on how the story of my life is not unlike a complex and beautiful tapestry being woven upon a loom. Each thread and fiber holds an experience, interconnection with others, and frequently a valuable lesson or two. One by one the threads are woven together. These fibers stretch horizontally across the weaving creating the weft which will ultimately reveal the intricate design of a lifetime lived to completion.

Before the weaving begins, the Weaver fixes vertical fibers to the loom. The vertical fibers are strong and usually the same color. They form the warp that will hold all the other threads to the weaving. These are the durable and lasting fibers that are foundational to the lasting strength of the tapestry and all that will be woven over time. I imagine God places the warp on the loom of life before birth. Whatever particular strength is necessary becomes the anchor for the soul's journey from birth to death and beyond. Part of our work on this earth is come to know what our warp is made from.

If my life is viewed as a tapestry being woven upon a loom...what is the constant thread (my soul's strength), the foundational warp of my journey? What qualities, values, or beliefs hold my life experiences in place? How do I experience a sense of continuity and "weave" as my story unfolds upon the loom of life?

~~~~from SACRED-LIFE ARTS

GIVING PAUSE

This from D'v:

The reason that we have to think and ponder before the Lord everything we stitch is because, as you are discovering,  everything takes a piece of us.

Every project, every vision stitched, every revelation revealed and unveiled  though the work of our hands as ordained of Adonai, takes time, which belongs to Him, and resources, which are His. But more it takes us. It takes who are in Messiah and spills it out for His sake, for His glory. We are, in this holy work, for so it is, poured out for His sake and for the sake of those to whom He is revealing Himself in these His holy works.

You are learning now, on a very steep curve I think, but we must all make no mistake. It is a holy work, this work of our woman's hands. An offering to Him who both created and redeemed us and set us under His holy shelter.

Behold behold behold.

"I AM LORD." says He.  "BEHOLD AND LOOK UPON ME WITH AWE AND TREMBLING.

"BEHOLD."

End of message. 

My response:

Seriously~~~ this is HARD! At least for me, and in every aspect!

That said, I got the borrowed Singer up and threaded, bobbin wound and inserted, and tested a few rows of stitches on a scrap. All set for the morning!

D'V:

Am glad. It is a new thing for you. And it is hard to learn something completely new. It's not like you had a foundation in sewing to lean on.  It'll all click.It has to. I don't know what the Lord plans but I'm hoping you can show me how to use a sewing machine.

Me:

Be glad to! A little more confidence AND practice. My husband is SO proud of me! That part of this whole thing is interesting.... and fun. He's always romantic, as you know (except when he's angry & snitty of course) and always proud of me in a general way-- but this is so specific a thing for him to be proud of! Last evening when he was talking to his sister for their weekly telephone check-in, he was telling her all about what I was doing--- from his perspective. Cutting & pinning & measuring and stitching....

I do waste some time wondering WHY God has put this on me NOW..... but between you and me, it's an urgent thing to trust and obey about this. Forgive me if I repeat myself over and over, but usually nudges to me are about service, not about doing something that may be useless --- or not, depending on what is made and how it comes out --- and that may have an aspect of personal satisfaction and possibly even--dare I say it? --- FUN. Or at least people appear to have fun and when the anxiety of new gets left behind, maybe it will be for me?

D'v:

Of course it will be fun you silly!

I hate to state the obvious but if you are doing it out of obedience, trust and love, that is service to HIM. 

Long time ago He told me that He misses His daughters. Their tenderness, the way they love on Him. He misses us. This is a gift from your Father who wants to bless you.  That He will use it for His purposes is a blessing. That it is a joy, and it will be, is the mercy that makes the work of it more like play. 

POW WOWS AND TALKING CIRCLES

Went to a "Talking Circle" at Endicott Park in Danvers, sponsored by the Massachusetts Center for Native American Awareness (MCNAA). About 30 people traveled from Connecticut, the South Coast, Western Massachusetts, attended and shared their stories. They also gave warmth and encouragement to others.                                        

I went with a work colleague, who has an extraordinary interest for things Native American. We had gone to a Pow wow this past summer together, also at Endicott Park in Danvers, which was great. Not only did the work colleague and I get to know each other better, but the music, dancing, food, and fellowship at the Pow wow was most impressive. Obviously we are all children of  he One Great Spirit!                                                     

STORIES MATTER

The lives we live are based on the stories we tell; 

and the stories we tell build the world we live in.

Indeed, I am learning lots about STORY. Having been an avid reader my whole life--- at least since I learned how to read--- I have always loved stories, all kinds, all genres. and I've always had an urge to write, a desire to be a writer. Nowadays--- I want to be a STORYTELLER. And I want to help others tell and share their stories.

I have had vivid yet brief dreams, frequently, lately, about stories and that STORIES MATTER. I have been in what appears to be an almost infinite library, which made me exceedingly happy--- perhaps it is Heaven! Jesus has spent time with me, telling and re-telling His Parables, and explaining them. Jesus was--- IS--- a STORYTELLER. And He reiterated to me that STORIES MATTER.

I want to write, to speak--- to share MY story, which is, in its own way, fairly interesting. We each have one, and we are each unique, a wonderful creation of God the Eternal, the One Who SPOKE "Let there be light" and there was light!