SIMPLIFY. ORGANIZE. MANAGE RESOURCES WISELY.

It's been a "one thing leads to another" sort of thing the past couple of years. I have worked in health and human services my entire career, and been involved in lay ministry, so had never heard of organizing, not as a profession. One of my work colleague's wife was a professional organizer with her own company, so I heard of that... then while in the process of checking on job postings (on behalf of my husband who was forced into early retirement four years ago), I saw her post an apprenticeship. Timing was not right for me then and I didn't know enough about the field, started to read about it, look into it, and linked to sites on simplifying, organizing, managing resources wisely, creativity, and productively. And found that interesting as well. 

In my field "productivity" can be a threatening thing, a pressure to keep interactions with clients to a specified minimum length of time, treatments are defined in minutes, but some definitions of productivity are quite different. It appears to be about maximizing our personal and organizational time, talent, and treasure... to keep things simple and manage our resources wisely. My life is all about that, as my husband and I deal with our mid-life transitions. And that, in a nutshell, is my current interest in professional organizing and productivity!

ADVENT PREPARATION AND CONTINUITY

There is something reassuring about our traditional annual reflection with regard to the story of Mary and Joseph's journey to Bethlehem, Christ's birth in the manger, and the promise of hope that arises within the celebration of the true meaning of Christmas. The story returns to us year upon year as a constant and tradition. It's a mainstay.

Within our personal lives as the years pass by, new family members may be born, others may return home to God, we might move or begin new work...but each December Christmas returns and the opportunity for renewal and hope is brought to light. There is a sense of familiarity and continuity that is sustaining and ever constant when Advent comes round and once again we begin anticipating His arrival.

On this second Sunday of Advent while I contemplate the story of Christ's birth, I am reflecting on how the story of my life is not unlike a complex and beautiful tapestry being woven upon a loom. Each thread and fiber holds an experience, interconnection with others, and frequently a valuable lesson or two. One by one the threads are woven together. These fibers stretch horizontally across the weaving creating the weft which will ultimately reveal the intricate design of a lifetime lived to completion.

Before the weaving begins, the Weaver fixes vertical fibers to the loom. The vertical fibers are strong and usually the same color. They form the warp that will hold all the other threads to the weaving. These are the durable and lasting fibers that are foundational to the lasting strength of the tapestry and all that will be woven over time. I imagine God places the warp on the loom of life before birth. Whatever particular strength is necessary becomes the anchor for the soul's journey from birth to death and beyond. Part of our work on this earth is come to know what our warp is made from.

If my life is viewed as a tapestry being woven upon a loom...what is the constant thread (my soul's strength), the foundational warp of my journey? What qualities, values, or beliefs hold my life experiences in place? How do I experience a sense of continuity and "weave" as my story unfolds upon the loom of life?

~~~~from SACRED-LIFE ARTS

GIVING PAUSE

This from D'v:

The reason that we have to think and ponder before the Lord everything we stitch is because, as you are discovering,  everything takes a piece of us.

Every project, every vision stitched, every revelation revealed and unveiled  though the work of our hands as ordained of Adonai, takes time, which belongs to Him, and resources, which are His. But more it takes us. It takes who are in Messiah and spills it out for His sake, for His glory. We are, in this holy work, for so it is, poured out for His sake and for the sake of those to whom He is revealing Himself in these His holy works.

You are learning now, on a very steep curve I think, but we must all make no mistake. It is a holy work, this work of our woman's hands. An offering to Him who both created and redeemed us and set us under His holy shelter.

Behold behold behold.

"I AM LORD." says He.  "BEHOLD AND LOOK UPON ME WITH AWE AND TREMBLING.

"BEHOLD."

End of message. 

My response:

Seriously~~~ this is HARD! At least for me, and in every aspect!

That said, I got the borrowed Singer up and threaded, bobbin wound and inserted, and tested a few rows of stitches on a scrap. All set for the morning!

D'V:

Am glad. It is a new thing for you. And it is hard to learn something completely new. It's not like you had a foundation in sewing to lean on.  It'll all click.It has to. I don't know what the Lord plans but I'm hoping you can show me how to use a sewing machine.

Me:

Be glad to! A little more confidence AND practice. My husband is SO proud of me! That part of this whole thing is interesting.... and fun. He's always romantic, as you know (except when he's angry & snitty of course) and always proud of me in a general way-- but this is so specific a thing for him to be proud of! Last evening when he was talking to his sister for their weekly telephone check-in, he was telling her all about what I was doing--- from his perspective. Cutting & pinning & measuring and stitching....

I do waste some time wondering WHY God has put this on me NOW..... but between you and me, it's an urgent thing to trust and obey about this. Forgive me if I repeat myself over and over, but usually nudges to me are about service, not about doing something that may be useless --- or not, depending on what is made and how it comes out --- and that may have an aspect of personal satisfaction and possibly even--dare I say it? --- FUN. Or at least people appear to have fun and when the anxiety of new gets left behind, maybe it will be for me?

D'v:

Of course it will be fun you silly!

I hate to state the obvious but if you are doing it out of obedience, trust and love, that is service to HIM. 

Long time ago He told me that He misses His daughters. Their tenderness, the way they love on Him. He misses us. This is a gift from your Father who wants to bless you.  That He will use it for His purposes is a blessing. That it is a joy, and it will be, is the mercy that makes the work of it more like play. 

POW WOWS AND TALKING CIRCLES

Went to a "Talking Circle" at Endicott Park in Danvers, sponsored by the Massachusetts Center for Native American Awareness (MCNAA). About 30 people traveled from Connecticut, the South Coast, Western Massachusetts, attended and shared their stories. They also gave warmth and encouragement to others.                                        

I went with a work colleague, who has an extraordinary interest for things Native American. We had gone to a Pow wow this past summer together, also at Endicott Park in Danvers, which was great. Not only did the work colleague and I get to know each other better, but the music, dancing, food, and fellowship at the Pow wow was most impressive. Obviously we are all children of  he One Great Spirit!                                                     

STORIES MATTER

The lives we live are based on the stories we tell; 

and the stories we tell build the world we live in.

Indeed, I am learning lots about STORY. Having been an avid reader my whole life--- at least since I learned how to read--- I have always loved stories, all kinds, all genres. and I've always had an urge to write, a desire to be a writer. Nowadays--- I want to be a STORYTELLER. And I want to help others tell and share their stories.

I have had vivid yet brief dreams, frequently, lately, about stories and that STORIES MATTER. I have been in what appears to be an almost infinite library, which made me exceedingly happy--- perhaps it is Heaven! Jesus has spent time with me, telling and re-telling His Parables, and explaining them. Jesus was--- IS--- a STORYTELLER. And He reiterated to me that STORIES MATTER.

I want to write, to speak--- to share MY story, which is, in its own way, fairly interesting. We each have one, and we are each unique, a wonderful creation of God the Eternal, the One Who SPOKE "Let there be light" and there was light!

DE-CLUTTERING + ORGANIZING = PURGING

Thought I’d get your attention!

You know it isn’t just us (you, me, maybe a couple others), but as a society, including within secular circles, among folks who have little spiritual insight nor “feeling”. In the world, those who have given it thought tend to believe it has to do with the over- muchness of our material life, which is non-sustainable, as well as unjust to most who live on this earth. In other words, it’s not right that so few have so much, and we can’t keep doing this anyway, our resources are running out.

For those who may have spiritual inclinations, Christian or otherwise, the sense is that our “stuff’ has not just cluttered our physical living and working spaces, but have cluttered our hearts and souls as well. An increasing chaos which increases stress, just by having it around, this is not good for our body-mind-spirit, individually nor collectively.

For Christians, I think it’s “same old same old”, in that there has always been a tension between ascetism (think hermits and some orders of religious brothers and sisters, think of Saint Francis of Assisi who on his conversion went to the Vatican and appeared to the Pope of that time naked) and the prosperity gospel thing (God loves us so wants us to have have have…). Not too many of us have it figured out.

For my husband and me, it’s been interesting. I cannot imagine all the stuff that continues to come out of his closet--- “old records”--- of every description, that he is now heaving. HOW and WHY he kept it all, other than his accountant mindset, and HOW and WHY we had to move it all….. is absolutely beyond me.

As for me, it took way too long to get through all of my mother’s things which were in the storage unit. The first year after she died I could not do it at all. After which I could do it in nanoseconds, gradually working up to minutes and finally to as much as a half hour. Jack was very helpful and very patient with me. (Just for the record, now that it’s gone I had a burst of anger at my brother, who left all her care and all her things for me to deal with, without any assistance from him. But we digress. And that anger went rather quickly. I think. Because I realize, deep down, he just CAN’T). And now that it IS done and it IS gone, such a sense of freedom!

All our stuff is now where we live! Cars are empty of stuff. And each closet, each drawer, each cabinet is getting pared down. To the essentials. And even more, clothing may be essential, but if it hasn’t been used, or no longer fits--- no matter how we may wish to think it may again--- going to be used by someone else. If it exists it needs to be useful. If not to me or to us, then to someone else.

INSPIRE: ARTS AND WORSHIP CONFERENCE

This, which took place in early June 2014, was experiential, primarily worship. We started with Morning Prayer, infused with music, some danced. The CtR Choir, robed, sang chants.

Even after the time of worship in the sanctuary, when the workshops were going on, there was still that feeling of worship, and of being in the Presence. You know?

Four good choices, and could only go to two:

First I went to one on THE ARTS AND KINGDOM-COMMUNITY. 

This was co-led by Christ (prounced "wrist") Otto and Rev Pillsbury. Christ is the minister and director of Belonging House, which rather than a physical location is a virtual community, of arts, Christians, Christian artists, and the like; he has moved to Salem deliberately in the past year. The Rev is planting an Anglican Church in the Portland Maine area, called the Light of Christ. Lots of emphasis on music and the arts and outreach and community.

We went around the circle of particpants, about 30, told name, community, church, and why we came to this today. This, at least for me, was a tough one. I could give the demographics easily enough, but the reason? I mentioned that I wrote some, had just made my first quilt, and that both my sons were musicians. And personally, I remembered very deeply that their father was--- is--- an artist. And a good one. (Too bad he's mentally ill. But many are and have been.... think of Vincent Van Gogh. But we digress). 

The presenters dug into Scripture first and foremost, we studied a Hebrew word pronounced kind of like "charush", which has been translated as "artisan" We talked about God telling Moses to appoint two men... will never get their names right without looking them out, to "be filled with the Holy Spirit" and have gifts and talents to make all that was necessary for the Tabernacle. For the Worship. For the BBQ (as the sacrifices were eaten by the people afterwards, part of what built their community). So that is the true purpose of "art". For the Glory of God and so we can have a super worship experience when we meet with Him!

And in fact, the w ord "charush" was taken apart, as each Hebrew letter has a picture and a meaning of its own, so that a word can, in a sense, be a complete idea, or sentence. And the Hebrew letters in this word mean "the one who opens the door for the people to meet with El Shaddai"!!!!!

On another note, what came out of that introduction and for the rest of the day was that I am a quilter, and a fiber artist. I could talk colors and spirit, way more than technique; as you know, I have no technique. I was told by several participants, from different faith communities and different arts that essentially anyone can learn techniques, and with discipline & practice get pretty good, but not everyone had "it" in them and it was sensed that I did! 

I met others who are doing everything from traditional quilts to rugs to three-dimensional fabric scuptures to vestments for priests and altars, banners for processions and dancing in the sanctuaries represented...... Pictures were shared, on cell phones and smart phones and so on and so forth. Emails were exchanged, favorite websites cited. I met some lovely local women, and we may be getting together to take this discussion further, maybe do some work together.

If my good friend D/V could have been there, she would have LOVED the conversation. And her work, like that about the Daughters, would have been mulled over, received, welcomed. Many are doing similar things, unexpected things. And MANY are starting late in life!

Lunch was quite good--- with lots of great fellowship at the tables. My profession as ombudsman came out and so I was told all kinds of stories. People have no problem seeing me in that role, evidently. (BTW: that Care Plan Meeting with the hard-to-reach and sometimes adversarial son went VERY well. From my perspective it was pretty much a full scale mediation, but we all started out on a new and better level at the end. I spent time with the mother again; she in essentially non-verbal, has had bipolar most of her life with a late diagnosis, meaning there has been quite a bit of brain damage. But we got eye-to eye in a few minutes, and there was true communion. She almost reached out to touch me. In due time)

Second I went to one called THE BLANK CANVAS. 

This was led by an older woman, Barbara LaChance, who has already done quite a bit--- Pastoral Counselor, Psychotherapist, Healing Minister & Trainer, Life Coach, Life Strategist, Published Author.... And just a few years ago, while she was walking in her neighborhood, minding her own business, as she was going by the Community Arts Association building (I pictured one like that in Rockport, as she lives in Mystic CT)--- and she had that "urge" to go in, and seek out lessons. Pretty much the "urge" was really a voice, the Voice.... She talked with one of the instructors, told her she had never done anything more artistic than paint the walls in her house.... and the teacher was thrilled. And then I heard from her the same words I heard in the morning--- after a couple weeks of lessons, the teacher told her she could teach essentially anyone technique and most could do something, but only a few had "it" and she did.... So she's a painter now.

Oh, and a couple years ago, she was ordained an Anglican priest. Again, later in life, and a complete surprise. THOUGH she remembers the seed of that desire being planted back in grammar school, which was a Catholic school.... (I realize we may not understand or agree about the ordination of woman, but it's not worth discussing heatedly, at least not between you and I)

The teaching, which she usually does over the course of a day, condensed into a couple of hours, is pretty basic stuff. We start out as blank canvasses, God has a plan for the masterpiece he wishes to make of us, life happens, sometimes parts of the picture have to be corrected, sometimes he has to turpentine the whole thing over and start again. (Shades of the Potter and the Clay?). I was also using that as a segway into us working out our lives and purposes, by cooperating with the Master. And also using the same ideas and techniques to create our own art, to bring Him glory. You get the picture I'm sure.

And then, we had worship in the sanctuary, again, some more. Lots of music, Holy Spirit singing, and then two teams were formed so that participants could go forward for prayer--- related to art, or to healing. I did not get up for that, and could tell it was time to go home. In some ways I wish I could. Before I left I bought Barbara's book, THE BLANK CANVASS. Happy to share.

That's it, for description, though I think there will be more I will refer to as time goes on.

One thing for instant reflection and pondering--- 

For SO LONG I have been kind of "stuck" or seemingly so, as has my husband. Even though on the interior lots was happening, and we were involved, very, with the generational healing, which he still observes changes, on-going changes, from. But in other ways--- our finances, our kids..... and me being near burnout at work.

THEN I got a really good performance review (except for spelling and the need to be more succinct in my documentation.... I have that bent for stories, like my husband I guess) but was so affirmed as a resident advocate, someone to stand for the elderly & disabled. AND there's the training I'm going to THIS week--- in Providence, by The Eden Alternative, on "creating home" in long term care settings, and staying, once again, after eight years away, at the Haven of Grace.

And then SUDDENLY there's this event today, which I had kind of heard about but not planned to go to until late this past week. 

Not sure how, but I'm sensing they go together somehow. 

And BTW: Hubby is very happy with being Tour Guide on the Salem Trolley. He has a sense that just as an actor might say... "this is the part I was born to play".... that THIS is the right thing for him. IN the small sense and in the large sense.

Any of this make sense to you?

Response:

Had never heard that word before, "charush".   Which I suppose is hardly surprising. :-) Like very much it's taken apart meaning. Everything about who we are in Christ should "open the door for the people to meet El Shaddai".  We don't often live that way but it is how we should all be living.  Thank you for sharing it.

Am not surprised, on any level, at all, that you are a fiber artist, a quilter.  At all.  Have been telling you repeatedly, as have others, that the things that frustrate you are just techniques, methods.  Anyone can do fiber arts.  Anyone. You are greatly gifted dearheart and teaching you
techniques is no different than learning anything else and you are astonishing good at learning and you know it so relax and let Him open it for you. 

And don't be surprised if it is stages.  Bits and pieces.  Do not let the enemy make you deny that which is His gift for HIS glory.   But to have an eye which first sees Adonai, then through Him and in Him the colors of not just His creation but Him, and who has, in Him, the ability to translate what He opens for them, now that is the gift.  That is what makes the artist.  You have a very distinct 'eye' on Him and in Him.  The fact that you were so excited about going yesterday spoke of His call on you. And the opening of it.  The beginning, I think, of the flowered gift.

Needs be I think a place for holy arts.  There are enough places for secular needle arts but these don't fit a holy artist.  The bent is wrong, off, and we know it in our spirit, by the Spirit.  It's twisted often, full of confusion and humanism.  To have a place where you can share what He has been doing and showing that is safe and welcoming and worships Him and sees Him in it, is a wondrous gift.

Am not surprised that you sensed it time to go home when the final coming forward for prayer happened.  There is a time and a season for things and though it is very near, it is not quite yet full time.  This is a great gift dearheart.  The gift of needlework.  I'm not speaking from the Lord just from inner sense but I think that the fullness of the giving of this gift to
you needs to be done under your husbands mantle.  That's how great it is.

And keep sensing, or attaching it to, the gift of you two being sent out. Do not know why and do not know if that is correct.  You would have to ask the Lord.  But when you are both sent out, I think that may be some kind of major part of it.  I think am seeing someone lay a mantle over your shoulders but I don't know that that is the right word.  Anyway.

To your thoughts at the end.  Yes, I think they do go together, all the things happening and be sensed in Him right now.  You have open ears and an open heart my dear beloved sister.  May He speak to you and it directly and clearly, lifting you up and proclaiming you His own.

(Not sure.  Am seeing Papa holding you.  You are facing Him.  He then is lifting you high, a very little girl and quite adorable, up, up, up.  He is showing you to His courts and calling you His own.  Your eyes are completely on Him.)

As to your husband.  Thinking out loud.  The symbolism.  He is a tour guide, showing, uncovering, explaining, history.  If this rings rightly in Him then how would this translate to the Lord?  Would he be opening the door for people to understand history (?) and how it points to Him?  How it all
points to or away from Him?  I don't know but I sense it may be an important thing to ponder.

So much going on right now for you both. Threads being sewn into the tapestry of His creation in you both and becoming visible to the eye.

Love you sis.
Thanks for sharing
Shalom
D'v

SEW FAR SO GOOD~~~~ TO A POINT

Sewing has been going well. Have been re-doing over hand seams, as some have been unraveling. But suddenly the bobbin thread was nowhere to be found. Why?  Because the bobbin is empty! So now- going to try to wind the bobbin ALL BY MYSELF. She said hopefully. If I can't then Machine Sewing done till class on Tuesday. 

And I'll cut blocks for the Dresden Plates- which has to be done anyway- sometime.

Pleased to say I was able to wind the bobbin! And get tangled and untangled a few times. I went to my frustration point--- and beyond--- and did not freak out. It was really tangling up and not working right by the time I decided to call it quits. With supper time approaching, decided it was enough for today. 

And so the process continues. 

THREADS AND THE PROCESS

In this instance, the process is that of DECONSTRUCTON. I finally got that row of stitches out--- having sewn an entire strip at class the other evening. It took quite awhile, maybe an hour. 

And I'm still pondering THREADS. who would have thought there were so many kinds, and colors, and purposes for them? You said you are a "thread addict"-- what is it about threads that so attracts you? What should I be taking in and learning?

PROCESS was worth some pondering too. Most of my life I have HATED deconstruction, i.e. taking out stitches with a seam ripper. Always felt like I was getting NOWHERE and never would. This evening, I came to accept that as PROCESS, and it doesn't matter which direction, per se, or whether it is for CONSTRUCTION or DECONSTRUCTION.... "to everything there is a season, a time to build up and a time to break down... and a time for every purpose under heaven". 

This acceptance may be temporary of course, and I may come up to this again.... but the acceptance this evening was..... INTERESTING. PEACEFUL. 

After sharing with her, this from my good friend D'v:

Not thought of that way but it's true. Isn't that what the Lord  is doing right now with us? Cutting out, removing, unstitching all the threads that we have, unwittingly or in sin, woven into the fabric of who we are, who we were designed to be? A necessary part of the process truly.   Interesting.

Threads are BEAUTIFUL. Colors colors everywhere. Colors. I heart them.  There are dIfferent thicknesses, different weaves, some divisible, since not.  There are breathtakingly beautiful hand dyed threads.  There are threads in cotton, silk, wool, bamboo even.  Extremely fine to very thick. DIfferent purposes, completely different looks. You'll probably use all of them at some point in embellishing.

They make me smile. They will you too.

STARTING A SEWING CLASS

I need help. No confidence with my skills and intimidated by the sewing machine, and now I'm at a point with our Patchwork Quilts, that it would be best to machine sew the long strips together. Searched on sewing classes in my town, which is Danvers, and found "let's Get sewing". A woman does this out of her home, in her studio, formerly a garage, then a bedroom for her son, now grown and married, living elsewhere. So I began.

Last night class went well. I was with two young women, late twenties, early thirties perhaps, also just learning to sew. Their immediate motivation was to cover some couch and chair pillow backs from what they ARE to their own decor. 

They were both very nice, and like me, eager, yet nervous, about the machines. We all wound our bobbins and threaded our machines and did some practice stitching, on a white piece of muslin given to us by Donna, the Teacher. And then.... they went to the Cutting Table to begin that part of their projects, and after ironing my seams open, I stitched my first strip. 

Stitches came out great! BUT some of the ends of the hand-stitching is too loose and it was a problem. kind of hard to explain without showing.... but the upshot is, I have to take out that stitching and work on all those loose ends. (Sounds like a Parable for Life, don't you think?)

So, I am planning to get out the stitching sometime today, and over the next few days, do just that.... work on the loose ends, and then re-pin, and try to be ready next week to stitch the strips and have it come out all right. Not necessarily perfect, but OK.

And that's my story, for now. 

AND THEN... SOME MORE

I was talking to my brother Kenny on the phone, which we try to do every couple of weeks, to keep in touch--- after all, we are all each other have, now tht our parents are gone. I was telling him about the lap quilts I've started work on for my husband Jack and me, and in the interest of making conversation, asked him if he'd like me to make one for him. And he said YES! So now I will be working on a third......and I'm thinking about Dresden Plates.

So, in September, I begin. Took one day, no actual stitching per se, nevertheless an important part of the whole process--- cutting. Today, through trial and error, I made several templates to use to cut out Dresden Plates--- 142 in assorted fabrics, mainly from remnants and small pieces. I picked patterns that were darker--- blues, grays, greens, browns,florals that were nature-oriented rather than feminine.... as this is going to be the lap quilt/throw for my brother Kenny. Having done some planning on size and number of pieces and all, I over-cut.... by 34! Not to go to waste.... already thinking of future projects..... smaller than throw size...... pillowcases, or placemats!  

Kenny's throw should look something like this:

AND THEN....

Having completed my first quilt awhile ago, for my grandson Simon, and "rested up" from it.... I have started up again, with not one but TWO quilts. Making patchwork lap quilts for my husband and I, for the winter, which will come again, eventually, unfortunately. His core color is blue, different prints, including some with maritime themes, plus other colors, and my core color is red, florals and mini prints, with other colors. Simple--- she said hopefully. Cut out 96-6 inch squares, and then another 96-6 inch squares, over two days in June 2014!!! July and August, hand-stitched these, first into pairs, then quads, then strips......

Thanks to mom for getting me started!

HOW MY STITCHING BEGAN

THIS IS HOW IT CAME ABOUT:

Because she was facing cancer & surgery which was very agressive and very serious, my birth mother, whom I met fourteen years ago, and with whom I have become good friends, told me she has been  thinking about her LEGACY. And talking with all her children, including  me. This was in the spring of 2013.

She won't have money or property to leave. She'd like to leave some of her knowledge & skills, and her greatest skill is quilting. She asked me  if I'd like to learn, that she could leave that as a legacy to me. I talked to her about not liking sewing & attempts made while at the Haven of Grace, where I lived and worked for a time, in Woonsocket RI, where sewing was a required activity. About not having good eye-hand coordination  and low frustration levels. We talked it through, and came to the conclusion....... that we will TRY. She will try to teach and I will try to learn.

So once she had some recovery and knew her treatment plan..... we made plans for me to go out there--- alone (as there was NOTHING for my husband to do there while we're engaged, and if home he can go see his kids & granddaughter & do some of his volunteer work).... on weekends and start the process.

Handiwork here I come! We're looking at patterns for small and easy baby quilts for Nug. And just WHO is Nug? My first grandchild, expected in December!!!

THIS WAS MY GOOD FRIEND D'V'S REPLY TO THIS: 

What a gift!  And even if you have not had the right  coordination in the past ask the Lord and look for His provision. This is the time of those gifts being birthed. There have been and are many gifts hidden in His daughters and they include handiwork. Am so excited for you!

SEASONS OF THE SOUL:THE GREAT UNRAVELING TOWARD LOVE

This particular blog so resonated with me, at this time in my life, in all our lives, in the life of our planet, I had to post here:

Many of us live in fear of the cultural breakdown happening right before our eyes, and yet in some ways, what we most need is a breaking apart before a coming together can happen.

It has been a summer of unraveling: wars in Gaza, Iraq, Syria, the Ukraine; the shooting of an unarmed young black man in the United States; the suicide of beloved actor Robin Williams, which in some ways gave us a way to explore our own inner despair and how close we often feel to the edge of things. Even as I write this litany, I am sure I have forgotten others, and certainly there are the smaller issues of daily life wherever we live—the uncertainties of money, health, and love; trust broken; decisions based on the bottom line rather than human dignity.

If your spirits haven't been challenged, undone, or unraveled, then you are not paying attention.

Sometimes I click on my Facebook news feed, and there, sitting mockingly among the YouTube videos and the advertisements, are images of children torn to pieces and I just sob. I am mocked by the dissonance, the absurdity, and my own sense of helplessness. How do I go to the farmer's market each Saturday and roast my free-range chicken with organic broccoli? How do I lie down in my comfortable bed at night in my home free from violence and the ravages of war?

We do what people who search and seek have been doing for thousands of years: we find new ways to live. We awaken from the numbness; we challenge the status quo. We do it right in our little corners of the world.

It is not even a question of awareness, of posting one more insightful commentary, of sharing one more petition. These things are, of course, good and necessary, but they are never enough.

The heart wants action, to be embodied in daily small kindnesses.

There is an ancient wisdom story from the desert fathers: "Do not feed the heart what does not nourish the heart." We need to stop feeding the consumer machine, which tells us our worth by the newest gadget we have purchased, only to throw the last one in an ever-growing landfill. We need to stop perpetuating the cycles of violence by denouncing war but still letting our minds offer relentless judgments about the people we encounter every day.

We go off to our metaphorical deserts and wildernesses to really reevaluate our priorities.

The heart sees how it is all connected.

We nourish ourselves by finding others who also want to live on the wild edges of the empire—the dominant consciousness—and imagine something different together. This tribe includes kindred souls, maybe even just one or two, along with our spiritual ancestors, the desert mothers and fathers, the mystics and monks who said there is a better way.

We need to feed the heart with silence.

I was so struck, and a bit overwhelmed, by the multitude of responses to Robin Williams' suicide. Everyone seemed to have something to say; everyone was posting more and more words to fill the great mystery of what had happened.

We don't come to understand the great suffering of the world by thinking our way through it. Discussion is good, and conversations and reflection are worthy. And yet, what nourishes the heart most are the moments of radical humility when we step beyond words and into the space between. We listen. We tend. We wait.

The heart endures.

Amma Theodora, one of the desert mothers, shares this story: 

Let us strive to enter by the narrow gate. Just as the trees, if they have not stood before the winter's storms cannot bear fruit, so it is with us; this present age is a storm and it is only through many trials and temptations that we can obtain an inheritance in the kingdom of heaven.

Near Tucson in the southwest U.S., there is a biosphere built twenty years ago and filled with trees and plants, but because it is sealed from the outside atmosphere, it is sheltered entirely from wind. These trees have grown weak and spindly. The winds create strength through resistance and help to spread the seeds. Endurance is staying put in the face of great struggle, it is the wind strengthening our foundation. Endurance means we have looked at suffering in the eye and not run away.

The heart is nourished through tears.

Staying with the suffering of the world inevitably leads to grief. We need to rage together, lament the terrible losses of lives and dignity, of our own sense of security. Rather than numb ourselves or busy ourselves against the onslaught of despair, tears are the path toward softening. Tears remind us of our vulnerability, they call us to yield our desire to control things and be with what is.

Many of us live in fear of the cultural breakdown happening right before our eyes, and yet in some ways, what we most need is a breaking apart before a coming together can happen.

The heart is nourished by love.

In that place of lament, of unraveling and undoing, our hearts can become more tender and vulnerable, more open and spacious. We can choose to respond out of cynicism and harden ourselves toward love and affection or we can choose otherwise.

Years ago at a workshop led by Northwest American storyteller and mythologist Michael Meade he said something that has stayed with me and rises up in times like these. "We must continue to work for love, act with love, even in the face of all other evidence." We can never know whether our efforts make any difference, and yet we must act as if, to continue to make the choice out of love each time, to let cynicism shrivel, even as the world continues to crumble all around us.

The heart inspires the imagination.

In this darkness of moments, we might remember that this is also the place to dare the unimaginable. When everything else seems lost or hopeless, why not risk it all for love? Why not cast off our grasp of what we think will bring security, and embrace the thing that makes us tremble?

It can be hard to remember that there is goodness in the world, that love is the foundational impulse. But together, we must let ourselves unravel, feel the breaking down of everything, stay present, lament, and then imagine. We must act as if, gathered in our little tribes of kindness, showing love to our corner of the world. We must become outposts of generosity.

Let the heart be nourished first and see what happens.


By Christine Valters Paintner, August 26, 2014                          

         Christine Valters Paintner, Ph.D., is a Benedictine Oblate and the online Abbess of Abbey of the Arts, a virtual monastery without walls offering online classes in contemplative practice and creative expression and pilgrimages to Ireland, Germany, and Austria. She is the author of eight books on monasticism and creativity including The Artist's Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom (Ave Maria Press) and her forthcoming book The Soul of a Pilgrim: Eight Practices for the Inner Journey (Spring 2015, Ave Maria Press). Christine lives as a monk in the world in Galway, Ireland with her husband of twenty years.

  

LITTLE THINGS AND THE QUALITY OF A HAZELNUT

It has been so HECTIC the past few days, that I have been unable first to explain  about the acorn. Hectic it will remain for awhile, anyway. From what I hear, things are busy all the way around.

I've been mulling this thing about a "symbolic signature" for awhile now. A dear friend of mine puts a bee on her needle-art, and so  I want to put a little something on the work of my hands, whether a craft or a writing. And I like that a symbol takes away from my name--- and focuses on what the thing is--- especially if it might have indeed been inspired by God, even in a small way and with small skills.

That said----

This morning, briefly, while having coffee, on the Catholic TV station, there was a brief program on Saint Julian of Norwich. And the thing that happened to her, regarding a hazelnut, is so similar to what happened to me, with the acorn..... I'm just going to "Copy & Paste" ...

JULIAN OF NORWICH (1342-1416)

The Vision of a Little Thing the Quality of a Hazelnut

When she was 30 years old, Julian contracted a grave illness and came so near death they gave her last rites. At the end of her illness, she had several visions, or showings, that she understood to have come from God. She spent the next 20 years reflecting on these visions and writing down what she had learned from them. Perhaps, the most famous of those showings is this one:

    "And in this he showed me a little thing, the quantity of a hazel nut, lying in the palm of my hand, as it seemed. And it was as round as any ball. I looked upon it with the eye of my understanding, and thought, 'What may this be?' And it was answered generally thus, 'It is all that is made.' I marveled how it might last, for I thought it might suddenly have fallen to nothing for littleness. And I was answered in my understanding: It lasts and ever shall, for God loves it. 

    And so have all things their beginning by the love of God.
In this little thing I saw three properties. The first is that God made it. The second that God loves it. And the third, that God keeps it. But what is this to me? Truly, the Creator, the Keeper, the Lover. For until I am substantially “oned” to him, I may never have full rest nor true bliss. That is to say, until I be so fastened to him that there is nothing that is made between my God and me.

    This little thing which is created seemed to me as if it could have fallen into nothing because of its littleness. We need to have knowledge of this, so that we may delight in despising as nothing everything created, so as to love and have uncreated God. For this is the reason why our hearts and souls are not in perfect ease, because here we seek rest in this thing which is so little, in which there is no rest, and we do not know our God who is almighty, all wise and all good, for he is true rest. 

    God wishes to be known, and it pleases him that we should rest in him; for everything which is beneath him is not sufficient for us. And this is the reason why no soul is at rest until it has despised as nothing all things which are created. When it by its will has become nothing for love, to have him who is everything, then is it able to receive spiritual rest."     (1st Revelation)

Seeing the fragile thing in the palm of her hand, Julian wondered, “I was amazed that it could last, for I thought that because of its littleness it would suddenly have fallen into nothing.”

Julian had reason to wonder if the world she knew might fall into nothing. As a child she lived through the Black Death, the plague that decimated Europe from 1348 - 1351. Nearly half of the city of Norwich died in a three-year span! The resulting social and economic disruption are hard to fathom.

The plague returned, though less virulently, fifteen years later. Some have speculated that she might have been married and lost her husband and children in this later plague.

Julian lived during the seemingly endless 'One Hundred Years War' between England and France. In 1381, there was a major Peasants' Revolt resulting from years of injustice and unfair taxes.

The church was also in considerable disarray. In the year 1378, the Roman Catholic Church split in what came to be known as the Great Schism. For the next 68 years there were two popes (and for a short time, three!) claiming authority over the Catholic Church. This was bewildering and disillusioning to pious Christians.

And, as noted above, Julian had herself nearly died from serious illness.

Much of this sounds very contemporary. The world we know often seems chaotic, confusing, and tenuous with similar troubles. We, too, have reason to wonder if the world we know might fall into nothing.

And, often enough, our own lives seem so tenuous they might dissolve into nothing. It might be serious illness. It might be job or economic problems. It might be family or relationship difficulties. It might be doubts about faith or uncertainty about love or our competency or our worthiness. It might be specific or it might be a vague unease. Whatever the cause – fear, anxiety, uncertainty – life can seem quite uncertain and our hold on it unsure. Our hold on God can seem tenuous and unsure. Our hold on ourselves can seem tenuous and uncertain.

In spite of her own suffering, and for all that the world around her seemed in disarray, Julian's writings, while distinctly not Pollyannish, are full of joy and hope in the light of God's love demonstrated in Jesus Christ. She found her ease, not in grasping and clinging to the ephemeral littleness of created reality, but in uniting herself to the abiding love and joy of the uncreated God. I have found in her an invaluable, inspiring, and edifying witness to the Good News.

This is from a blog called "INTO THE EXPECTATION" by Matt Gunter, an Episcopal priest, serving in Chicago, having grown up in Indiana.

Whence the title... INTO THE EXPECTATION"?

Justin Martyr, the 2nd century theologian, wrote this in his defense of the Christian Church:

We who ourselves used to have pleasure in impure things now cling to chastity alone. We who dabbled in arts of magic now consecrate ourselves to the good and unbegotten God. We who formerly treasured money and possessions more than anything else now hand everything over to the treasury for all, and share it with everyone who needs. We who formerly cheated and murdered one another and did not even share our home with those who were different or from a different tribe, because of their customs, now, after Christ's appearance, live together and share the same table. Now we pray for our enemies and try to win who hate us unjustly so that they too may live in accordance with Christ's wonderful teachings, that they too might enter into the expectation.

Personally, I like the whole passage and its vision of the Church. But, I am particularly fond of the expression of Christian faith and hope as "entering into the expectation". Thus, in 1 Peter 3:15, Christians are encouraged to "always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who calls you to account for the expectation that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence." One way or another, that is what I want to do.

ENTER INTO THE EXPECTATION.

Anyway, tis good stuff. 

ACORNS AND REPENTANCE

The word repentance as used in the Bible was completely misinterpreted by the original translators. The original Greek word metanoia means much more than simply feeling sorry. In fact, the idea implies a complete reversal of a person’s whole outlook on themselves and their relationship with that which greater than themselves. It means seeing oneself not as an ego-bound entity scrabbling for control within a subjective frame of reference of their own creation but rather as a conscious participant within a larger frame of reference with a unique role to play, no matter how insignificant it may seem to themselves or the world at large.

The original meaning of repentance can be understood using the analogy of the acorn. The acorn is a complete biological entity, containing a small germ part along with a larger part that provides food for the germ when it sprouts. Although an acorn is a complete entity, it contains a potential destiny that completely transcends its being and in fact guarantees its death.

This destiny is its potential to become an oak tree. The seed in all its compact complexity and completeness is created with the intention that it should die of itself to become something much greater. The oak tree has completely different needs, priorities, and experiences than an acorn does. Even though every acorn is a potential oak tree, it would never understand anything about an oak tree's reality due to its inadequate field of experience.

The same sun that can dry out and kill an acorn nurtures and feeds the oak. The same rain that can rot an acorn from within provides the oak tree with the substance that enables it to grow tall and strong. The squirrel that sees an acorn as a meal sees the oak tree as a place that provides it with safety, food and a home where it can raise its family.

The final outcome of any acorns that fail to transform into oak trees is unimportant to nature, as only the oak trees will be able to make more acorns to continue the cycle. The acorns that do not sprout are either eaten by animals or decay to become food for the ones that do sprout. Most acorns, no matter how large, beautiful, or healthy will not fulfill their cosmic destiny, although they will have played their required role in nature’s master plan.

To relate this analogy to human terms, it is necessary to see all of us as acorns. We were born, raised, and matured to the point where we are complete entities. The germ of the acorn relates to the inner essence we were all born with whereas the meat of the acorn can be related to our ego centered personality that we acquire as we grow to maturity.

As complete entities, we can live, love, and die with our fellow entities within a subjective reality defined by our animal instincts of avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, never knowing or understanding that a completely different reality is possible.

In reference to our analogy, the different reality is represented by the oak tree. By using the analogy, it can be seen that this gap between what we are and what we can be is a lot wider than we think. Blind obedience to centuries old dogma will not be enough to achieve this "oak tree" state that manifests itself in human terms as living as a self-actualized entity with a conscious understanding of our relationship to the higher level of integration that governs the universe.

To relate this analogy to human terms, it is necessary to see all of us as acorns. We were born, raised, and matured to the point where we are complete entities. The germ of the acorn relates to the inner essence we were all born with whereas the meat of the acorn can be related to our ego centered personality that we acquire as we grow to maturity.

As complete entities, we can live, love, and die with our fellow entities within a subjective reality defined by our animal instincts of avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, never knowing or understanding that a completely different reality is possible.

In reference to our analogy, the different reality is represented by the oak tree. By using the analogy, it can be seen that this gap between what we are and what we can be is a lot wider than we think. Blind obedience to centuries old dogma will not be enough to achieve this "oak tree" state that manifests itself in human terms as living as a self-actualized entity with a conscious understanding of our relationship to the higher level of integration that governs the universe.

William Rice   
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